One of the most common things I hear from capable, responsible adults is this:

“I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. I can do the dishes, take care of everyone else, keep the house running… but I can’t get myself to do the things that really matter.”

They usually follow that with a label:

“I’m just lazy.”

But after working with many clients over the years, I can tell you, laziness is almost never the real issue.

The real issue is pressure. Not obvious, dramatic pressure. The quiet, constant kind that sounds like:

• You should be doing more

• This has to be perfect

• Don’t fall behind

• Other people handle this better than you

Here’s the distinction I often explain:

Stress vs. Pressure

Stress is a natural response that can actually help us grow. It shows up when something matters and can motivate us to rise to a challenge.

Pressure is what happens when expectations never turn off. When there’s no room to rest, reset, or be human.

Stress can energize us.
Pressure drains us.

When pressure builds, the nervous system shifts into protection mode. That’s when people procrastinate, overthink, or focus on low-stakes tasks instead of the ones that feel meaningful or important.

Not because they don’t care.
But because they care so much that it becomes overwhelming.

Why This Looks Like “Doing Everything But the Important Thing”

When a task feels loaded with meaning, risk, or judgment, the brain senses threat. So it nudges us toward tasks that feel safe and finite — laundry, dishes, organizing, emails.

Those tasks provide quick wins. The meaningful ones feel heavy.

This isn’t a character flaw. It’s a nervous system trying to protect you from perceived failure or shame.

A More Helpful Way Forward

Instead of pushing harder, the shift is this:

✔ Notice the pressure voice
✔ Lower the emotional stakes
✔ Take one small, defined step
✔ Redefine success as progress, not perfection

For some people, this work also opens the door to deeper questions about self-worth and long-standing internal expectations — something therapy can help explore alongside coaching.

So if you’ve been calling yourself lazy lately, pause.

You might not be unmotivated.
You might be overloaded with pressure.

And that’s something we can understand, soften, and change.

Have something you want to run by a certified parent and wellness coach, use this link to book a complimentary 30 minute session now.

For more resources and information on coaching, head to www.siahfriedcoach.com