Before You Correct the Behavior, Ask: Is This Stress?
Feb 15, 2026
At a recent parent workshop, I asked one volunteer to sit in a chair and represent a typical teen boy.
Then I asked seven parents to stand around him. Each was a given a sticky note with one of the following written on it and asked to place the note and a hand on his shoulder.
Academics.
Sports.
Social media.
Friends.
College.
Body image.
Family expectations.
Within seconds, he said: “It feels heavy.” That’s the part we don’t see at home.
What Stress Looks Like at Home
Stress in teen boys rarely looks like tears. It looks like:
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Irritability
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Withdrawal
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Procrastination
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“I don’t care” energy/dismissive
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Anger
- Fatigue
These are not character flaws. They are stress responses.
The Shift That Changes Everything
Before we correct behavior, we can ask: Is this stress? Because if it’s stress, the intervention is different. We don’t lower expectations. We adjust how we support. Support might look like:
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Leading with curiosity instead of lecture
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Reducing one pressure point temporarily
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Helping them build coping tools
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Making sure they aren’t carrying it alone
Pressure Is Growing
Pressure is different than stress. Stress feels internal and helps us grow and stretch ourselves. It has an ending. Pressure feels like outside expectations without growth and lacks an ending. Today’s teens are navigating:
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24/7 comparison
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Performance culture
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College competition
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Body image standards (yes, for boys too)
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Fear of falling behind
Many are high-functioning on the outside and overwhelmed internally. In addition, most young people and adults lack awareness of what they are experiencing as well as no coping or communication tools to make it better.
If you’re seeing irritability, shutdown, or increased tension at home, it doesn’t automatically mean something is “wrong.”
It may mean your son needs tools. Download my free Pressure Pattern Check here to help you identify what might actually be driving the behavior.
Siah Fried MPH, NC-HWC
Founder Move FORWARD Coaching
siah_fried@yahoo.com